Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
