dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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