I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
