don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
