I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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