I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
two words: eviction party
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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