My first STD was from a foam party
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
