so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize