everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
