My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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