Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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