You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
