He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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