What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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