Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
