You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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