The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
