his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
God I need to hump something, right now.
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