he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
