I can't watch pbs sober anymore
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
