May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
