I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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