I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
4 words: hood of his car
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
where are my eyebrows?
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