he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
