Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
