he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
