I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
