and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
