we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
