what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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