I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
