I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
