Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
