me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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