guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
