I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
