girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
