What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
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It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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