mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
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Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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