Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
