tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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