This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
