508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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