We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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