Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
