if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My feet surprised me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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