Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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