Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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