Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
