you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
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if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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