what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
