The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
