i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Come share oat with me in your robe
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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