I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
