And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
