omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
