I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
