everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
