If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
